Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My feet surprised me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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