the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
