i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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