SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
