There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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