I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
