You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
