You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
