somebody snuck up and got me drunk
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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