Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
