Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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