Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
