I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
