wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This is the high leading the old right now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
