you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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