i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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