dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
