this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
