Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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