it glows. i had to have it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
