I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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