yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
