Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
