I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
