I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
pray to the hookup gods
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
