Can Purell be used as lube?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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