I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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