Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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