Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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