Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Maybe he injected his testicle?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
