Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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