am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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