My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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