I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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