I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
