i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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