i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
