just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
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