I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
