I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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