If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
