We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
