I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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