Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
