I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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