i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
