WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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