I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
