My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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