if you like me you must not know who I am
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
