my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
