i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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