Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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