I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
