The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
