Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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