is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
