Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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