We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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