I showed him my bush... on skype.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
