Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
