I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
