I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
