i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
