i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
