After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry about my life...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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