If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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