Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
