what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
