So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
