you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
