WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
