this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize