nut hugger
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
