so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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