dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
