yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
