Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
