Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
