you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You're my little dorito
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
