can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
