Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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